The Top Eight Most Annoying Commercials of 2012

With so many different forms of media here in 2012, it seems like we’re constantly being bombarded with advertising.  But while technology keeps getting better and better, commercials are reaching new levels of annoying.  Some of them are so dumb, they force me to hate the company’s product solely based on its advertising.  So, I have put together a rant on the eight commercials I think are the worst of 2012.   Since I’m sure you’ve already been tortured by most of these, I’m sure you don’t wanna see them again.  So, there’s just one commercial with a YouTube link, check it out if you have time – it’s the only one that made the list by being hilariously cheesy.  The rest make me want to break my TV/Cell Phone/iPad/Car Radio or whatever device I’m dealing with.  Let me know if any of these drive you nuts as well…  

#8.  Guess What Month it is - Chevy Truck Month

This is a testament to how dumb the American public really is.  Notice how they don’t say “October is Chevy Truck Month” or whatever month it is.  That’s because they run it every other freaking month and it lasts six weeks.  But they act like you better hurry in now and buy a Chevy cause the prices are gonna go sky high once Truck Month is over.  Yeah right.  As soon as Chevy Truck month is over, they’ll run some Christmas special and the price will be exactly the same.  And then it’ll be Chevy Truck month again in February.  

#7.  Holiday – Old Man Sings About Holiday Coffee

Omg this makes me want to kill someone (not really).  This is only on KFAN as far as I know, but to me it’s like nails on a chalkboard.  It goes, “Holiday Coffee, loaded or black – we keep it fresh brewed so you keep coming back”.  That’s it.  That’s the entire theme song.  And there’s no music in the background, and the guy singing it is some out of tune old man.  It sounds like they just gave some homeless guy a free donut to sing this jingle real quick. 

#6.  Visa Sponsors the Visa Halftime Report

While this is certainly not new, the Visa Halftime report absolutely drives me nuts.  Every time you watch an NFL game, they have some deep sounding voice over guy say, “The Visa Halftime Report is brought to you by…(wait for it, wait for it)… … VISA!!!!!”.  No Shit.  I thought the Visa Halftime report was going to be sponsored by 1-800 Ask Gary.  Of course the Visa Halftime report is sponsored by freaking Visa.  Why the hell would someone else be the sponsor of “The Visa Halftime Report”?  It reminds me of when people say, “it is what it is”.  Of course “it is what it is”, when would it not be “what it is”?  Think of something new, Visa, you’re making my brain hurt.  Oh and tell Fox to get rid of the stupid robot that jumps around during your ‘Halftime Report’ while you’re at it. 

#5.  Farmers Insurance - We are Farmers

“We are Farmers.  Bum bada bum bum bum bum bum”.  WTF.  How the hell did someone get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to invent this?  That’s not even a slogan; saying the name of the company and going “bum bada bum bum bum bum bum”.  It’s even dumber than McDonalds’ “ba da da da dah I’m loving it” – since that at least says SOMETHING about the product being sold.  What’s the message they’re sending us about their insurance?  That it’s annoying as hell?  I’m sure the advertising execs would concede that it’s annoying, but because it gets stuck in your head – it will make you “more likely to buy their insurance”.  Yeah right, it makes me wanna find their CEO and punch him in the dick for making such a shitty commercial.      

#4.  Avia Dental - Smile You’re With People Who Care

You probably haven’t seen this, but I promise it’s real and is airing now – most likely very early in the morning on the SyFy Channel or something.  It’s basically a guy who looks like a child molester singing about how great his dentist’s office is.  I shit you not.  He says a few things about getting your teeth cleaned and then awkwardly sings, “Smile – you’re with people who care!!!!”.  WTF.  If the link doesn’t work PLEASE do a Google search for “smile you’re with people who care” and watch the first video.  I promise you’ll be laughing and wondering how this is actually real and on TV in 2012.    

#3.  Empire Carpet – Old Man Installs a New Carpet

You know this one.  The old guy rolls out a carpet over a wooden floor in clunky looking 3D graphics and the song kicks in, 1 800-588-2300 EMPIRE!.  That’s their slogan/jingle: sing the phone number of the company.  Brilliant.  Too bad the “3D animation” looks like it’s from 1990 – which it is!!!  They’ve used the same animated clip of the old guy rolling out carpet for 20 years!  Maybe those graphics were impressive back then – but it looks cheesy as hell in 2012.  Nowadays, this looks like it could be done in an afternoon by a computer graphics student at Normandale Community College. 

#2.  Kars for Kids

If you listen to KFAN, you surely know this devil’s spawn of a commercial.  First of all, KFAN is about 90% male listeners aged 25 and up.  Most of the commercials are for like Napa Auto Parts, Mortgage Refinancing, Vikings tickets – stuff like that.  But about once every commercial break the “KARS for Kids” song comes on and I have to dive to change stations or have this ‘Barney’ style kids sing-a-long in my head all day.  I’m sure there’s more annoying songs or whatever that kids listen to – but I don’t have kids - so this is potentially the worst “song” I’ve ever heard.  It’s sung out of tune by a bunch of 5 year olds and it goes like this:  “1-877-KARS-4-KIDS, K-A-R-S KARS for Kids!  1-877-KARS-4-KIDS, K-A-R-S KARS for Kids!  1-877-KARS-4-KIDS, K-A-R-S KARS for Kids!  Donate your car today”.  It just repeats over and over with a different annoying ass 5 year old kid singing the chorus every time.  And it’s been on the radio for like three years.  What’s even more annoying is that “kids” don’t need cars, only teenagers and adults do.  So, why the hell are a bunch of five year olds singing the theme song?  No, I will not donate my car to some five year old girl – thank you very much.  It seems awful to wish for a charity to fail, but seriously, screw you KARS for Kids.   Stop wasting peoples’ generous donations on airtime for your shitty commercial to play on KFAN every 15 minutes.   

#1.  Scott from Scott’s Turf Builder

All right, here it is.  The most annoying commercial for all of 2012: ‘Scott’ from Scott’s Turf Builder.  First off, how unoriginal is that; naming your company’s mascot after the name of your company.  Second, they chose their mascot as the most stereotypical red-headed Irish/Scottish sounding ‘Scott’ you could possibly imagine.  He sounds like Mike Myers doing his ‘Fat Bastard’ character from ‘Austin Powers’.  Anyways, that’s not even the worst part.  ‘Scott’ goes into a tirade about how your lawn is hungry and blah blah blah, then goes right up to the camera and says “FEED YOUR LAWN.  FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED EEITT”.  They are basically having their mascot scream at you to BUY THEIR PRODUCT.  Who does that?  Could you imagine Ronald McDonald getting all up in your face and screaming “EAT A BIG MAC!!!  EAT IT!!!!!!!”?  Anyways, “Scott” first appeared in early Spring of 2012 but once Summer came he was on TV less and less.  By July, the commercial seemed to have stopped airing.  I thought maybe Scott’s Turf Builder had come to their senses and retired the ad campaign.  I thought he was banished to the land of forgotten mascots where he could tell the ‘Hamburglar’ and ‘Mayor McCheese’ to “FEEEEED EEITT” and leave me alone.  But by late August, like an evil zombie back from the dead, ‘Scott’ had returned.  This time he had a new slogan, “SEED YOUR LAWN.  SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDD EEIITT”.  See what they did there?  They just switched one letter and it’s a whole new slogan for the Fall “seeding season” as opposed to the Spring “feeding season”.   AAARRRGGGHHH.  ‘Scott’ has now left us again for Winter, but let’s all pray he doesn’t come back in the Spring to torture us yet again.

 *Mayor McCheese

In case you forgot who Mayor McCheese is ^.  He seems like the work of a genius when compared to ads from Scott’s Turf Builder, Chevy, Empire Carpet, Visa, Holiday, Farmers Insurance, Avia Dental and KARS for Kids.  They should all hire Mayor McCheese to be their new spokesman.  As ridiculous as it sounds, it would make me more likely to buy their products if their mascot was a talking cheeseburger Mayor – because that would be funny – instead of making me want to break my TV and boycott their products.