The 100 Worst Movies I've Ever Seen

I'm sure you're wondering why I would put together this list. Well, I'm hoping I can make you laugh at some of the bad movies you've seen. Or maybe I can save you from wasting your time with some you haven't seen. Either way, I hope you enjoy the list - it took a long time to put together. Here are some guidelines for how the movies will be ranked:

1. I have to have seen the movie AND expected it to be good. So, movies like 'Home Alone 4' or 'Land Before Time 12' won't be considered because I haven't seen them, and even if I did - I would never expect them to be good. 

2. I won't consider movies that are "so bad, they're good". The movies on this list are 100% bad and you should avoid them under all circumstances. 

3. To avoid overkill, I'll keep it to one movie per franchise.

4. Disappointment factor will also be considered; if I had high expectations for a movie and it turned out to be crap, it will be ranked lower than an equally bad movie without the hype.

This is going to be a long list, so I'll refrain from cursing until the top (or technically bottom) ten worst movies... 

100. Last Action Hero (1992)

I love Arnold Schwarzenegger but this is one of his worst efforts. It's a spoof movie, like 'Space Balls' or 'The Naked Gun' and Arnold plays a stereotypical musclebound action star. So, it's like he's trying to spoof himself, except it's not funny.  

Worst part:  "You know how in the movies where they say 'Make my day' or 'I'm your worst nightmare'? Well, listen to this one: Rubber baby buggie bumpers!"  - One of Arnold's many failed attempts at humor.





99. Alien vs Predator (2004)

When this was first announced, I was so excited. Most of the 'Predator' and 'Alien' movies are awesome - and I thought this would follow suit. However, those movies were carried by Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sigourney Weaver. Instead, 'AVP' is more like a 'Friday the 13th' movie, where it's just no-name actors waiting to get carved up.

Worst part:  "The enemy of my enemy ... is my friend" - Sebastian philosophizing on why they should trust the Predators. Spoiler Alert: He gets killed by a Predator like ten minutes later.  





98. Men in Black 2 (2002)

The first and third MIB movies were great, but 'Men in Black II' was just lazy. It added nothing to the first one and was "forgettable" at best. 

Worst part:  The cast, the bad guys, the plot and the jokes are all the same as Men in Black 1. Except this time, it's not funny.





97. Judge Dredd (1995)

Stallone plays Judge Dredd, a Robocop rip off who attempts to bring justice to a crime ridden future society. 

Worst part:  It has Rob Schneider for comic relief.


 


96. Anchorman 2 (2013)

This seems like it was written and directed over a three day weekend. It's so bad that it tarnishes the legacy of Anchorman 1 - which I used to consider Will Ferrell's best movie. This left such a bad taste in my mouth, I now consider 'Step Brothers' his best movie instead.  

Worst part:  About halfway through the movie Will Ferrell goes blind. He's blind for the next twenty minutes, until he visits some random witch doctor that helps him regain his vision. The whole process takes half an hour and has nothing to do with the rest of the plot.


 


95. Cowboys vs Aliens (2011)

I haven't been this disappointed by a movie since 'Star Wars: Phantom Menace'. The premise looked awesome; James Bond and Han Solo teaming up to fight aliens. Unfortunately, every aspect of this movie was bad; the acting, the jokes, the CGI, the aliens, the script and the ending. 

Worst Part: "Don't yank on it. It's not your pecker." - Meacham teaching the Doc to shoot a gun.





94. Beetlejuice (1994)

I'm sorry, but 'Beetlejuice' hasn't aged well. I know a lot of people really liked this as kids, but now it just feels like Michael Keaton doing an annoying Jim Carey impression. 

Worst part:  Beetlejuice's corny one-liners; "Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose".



 

93. Ghost Dad (1990)

One of Bill Cosby's ill fated attempts to make it on the big screen. Bill's character dies early on and comes back as a ghost that can only be seen by his family. 

Worst part:  It wouldn't be funny if your dad died and haunted you as a ghost - and neither is 'Ghost Dad'.





92. After Earth (2013)

Will Smith and his real life son play a father and son that time travel thousands of years into the future. Unfortunately for them, there are no humans left. Unfortunately for the audience, it's just Will Smith, his son and CGI animals for two hours. 

Worst part:  This was released at a time when both Will Smith and M. Night Shyamalan had endured a string of bad movies. Both were desperate for a big comeback, but this was almost universally panned by critics.






91. Junior (1994)

Of all the kick ass Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, why would you ever want to watch one where he gets pregnant and kills zero bad guys? You wouldn't.  

Worst part: "My nipples are very sensitive" - Arnold's character describing the struggles of motherhood.





90. Dick Tracy (1990)

This falls under the "big disappointment" category. You'd think with a cast that included Al Pacino, Madonna and Warren Beatty, 'Dick Tracy' would at least be decent. They played this up like it was going to be the new "Batman", but it just didn't catch on.

Worst part:  The video game is even worse. 'Dick Tracy' for the NES is one of the top 10 worst games for the system, while the movie barely makes my "worst 100" list. So, I would actually rather watch the crappy 'Dick Tracy' movie than play the piece of shit 'Dick Tracy' video game. 





89. Terminator Salvation (2009)

This was so bad they killed off the Terminator franchise after this crappy effort. The series will be rebooted in 2015, which is sad because this is really the only "bad" Terminator movie. 

Worst part:  Arnold Schwarzenegger was busy being Governor when this was filmed, so they just made a CGI Arnold Terminator for the final battle scene.





88. The Haunting in Connecticut

This isn't much worse than most horror movies, but it's the same stereotypical plot I've seen a dozen times - and I just can't handle it anymore. Does this sound familiar?...

A family buys a new house - and it's supposedly haunted. The kids and wife start seeing some spooky stuff. They tell the dad, but he tells them not to worry about it. Things eventually get worse, but they can't buy a different house because they would have to sell this one. They start to fear for their safety and have to hire a psychic/ghost hunter.

If this sound interesting to you, give it a go, it's not terrible - but I'm sure you've seen a dozen movies with the same exact plot. 

Worst part:  They're making a sequel. Seriously, why does every crap movie get a sequel these days?

87. Showgirls (1995)

 

Elizabeth Berkely makes a career ending flop in her first and only leading role. Like everyone else, I only saw this because I grew up watching her in 'Saved by the Bell'. Of all the 'SBTB' alumns, only Zach Morris and A.C. Slater have had much of a career - while everyone else has struggled and/or embarrassed themselves.

Worst part: 

Nomi: "I got my period."

James: "Yeah right."

Nomi: "Check."

James: [puts his hand down Nomi's pants] 

86. Zach and Miri Make a Porno (2011)

This is easily the worst Seth Rogen movie I've seen. He's also not really the kind of dude I wanna see naked (not that I wanna see any dudes naked) and the jokes just aren't that funny.

Worst part: 

Zach: "I'm gonna fuck you with my pecker."

Miri: "Dude...that's really dirty."

Zach: "That's too dirty?"

Miri: "That offends me."

Zach: "Penis?"

Miri: "Fine."

Zach: "I'm going to fuck you with my penis." 

85. The One (2001)

Just like Elizabeth Berkely, Jet Li blew his only chance as lead actor in a big movie. I don't even know where to start on this one. It's like the Matrix, kind of, but less philosophical. Really, it's just Jet Li fighting a bunch of ninja cronies.  

Worst part:

"I am nobody's bitch" - Jet Li's cheesy attempt at a catchphrase before he jump kicks some guy.

84. Battlefield Earth (2001)

Many people consider this "the worst movie of all time". I think that's a little harsh, but it definitely is a piece of crap. I give them credit for trying something different, but this was painfully boring and confusing. I only made it through the first hour (which felt like three hours) and then fell asleep. 

Worst part:  Before 'Battlefield Earth' was released, John Travolta literally described it as "like Star Wars, but better".





83. Little Nicky (2000)

When I was in high school, Adam Sandler was the funniest man alive. Everyone thought 'Billy Madison' and 'Happy Gilmore' were cinematic masterpieces. Those movies are still funny today, but that was certainly his peak. 'Little Nicky' was Sandler's first terrible movie and he's consistently gotten worse since then.

Worst Part:

Sadly, the only funny part of the movie is when a Little Nicky (a dog) says, "Popeye's chicken is fucking good!".





82. The Expendables (2010)

This is so dumb you can't even really call it a "movie". Basically, all these big name action stars (Stallone, Bruce Willis, Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li) are crammed into a "movie" with no plot and they each get about ten minutes to blow stuff up. 

Worst part:  The dialogue between Stallone and Mickey Rourke's characters when they first meet.

Stallone:  "Yo brother!"

Rourke:  "How's it going brother?"

Stallone:  "Aww pretty good brother. How you been man?"  

Rourke: "I've been livin the dream, brother. But whoa, I haven't seen you a long time, brother."

Stallone:  "Hey yo, for real. Have you been staying out of trouble, brother?"

THIS ISN'T ACTING!!!! THIS IS JUST STALLONE AND MICKEY ROURKE TALKING ABOUT NOTHING!!!!





81. The Rocketeer (1993)

When I saw this as a kid, I thought, "This is whack. What a lame idea for a superhero. This guy straps on a rocket/backpack thing and goes around fighting crime?".

If you have kids, I dare you to tell them you have a movie that's "like Ironman, but better" and then make them watch 'The Rocketeer'. They will tell you they hate you and then cry until you put the real 'Ironman' on.

Worst part:  You probably can't even pull that trick on your kids because they don't make 'The Rocketeer' on DVD or Blu Ray. At least I'm guessing they don't, because I'm sure no one would buy it if they did.


 


80. Powder (1996)

Spoiler alert: A pale looking teenager gets struck by lightning and then gets special powers. Except he's really pale looking and everyone makes fun of him. If you like sad and depressing movies then you'll love 'Powder'.

Worst part:  This is the first movie I saw on a date with a girl and I had to pretend that I liked it.





79. Over the Top (1987)

I love Stallone, but are you serious, bro? A movie about arm wrestling? Stallone's character is a divorced truck driver who never gets to spend time with his son, Michael. His ex wife has to have surgery, so he takes Michael with him on the road. They end up in Las Vegas where Stallone enters an arm wrestling contest to prove to his son that he's not a loser.

Worst part:  Stallone's character's name is Lincoln Hawk. That might be the cheesiest name for any character he's ever played - and that's saying a lot.





78. Predators (2010)

In 2010, Fox released this turd of a movie that continued crap on the legacy of the Predator. I thought they were done after 'Alien vs Predator' and 'AVP Requiem', but no - Fox decided to reboot the series by throwing an "s" on the end and calling it 'Predators'. Now instead of having one classic Predator movie (Predator 1) and one really good sequel ('Predator 2'), we have FIVE Predator movies and three of them have been awful.

Worst part:  Any movie like this that's even half decent usually gets a sequel. This was so bad, they just said "forget it".





77. Mystery Men (1999)

Ben Stiller leads a cast of C List celebrities (Janeane Garofalo, Paul Reubens, William H. Macy) who play a group of C-List superheroes fighting crime.

Worst part:  Janeane Garofalo's superpower is: rolling a bowling ball into bad guys to knock them over. "Lookout evildoers, you're about to get bowled over!"






76. Inception (2010)

Why do people love this movie? I think it's because it was Christopher Nolan's follow up to 'The Dark Knight' and people were rooting for it to be good. It looked cool in the previews and it's a cool idea for a movie, but it was way too long and boring.

Worst part:  People think that if you don't like this movie, you must not "get it". No, I "get it"; it's just really, really long and boring.





75. Jurassic Park III (2001)

This is painfully bad compared to the original. It's the only Jurassic Park installment without Jeff Goldblum and the only one that wasn't directed by Spielberg. It also lacks interesting characters like the original (Samuel L. Jackson and Wayne Knight aka "Newman" from Seinfeld). Really, the only remaining character is Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neil). 

Worst part:  The dinosaurs look faker than ever, because they're all CGI. Seriously, they look worse than they did seven years earlier in Jurassic Park 1.






74. Tears of the Sun (2003)

They should have called this 'Tears of the Son' because I was so bored I could have cried when I watched this in '03 with my parents. It's basically a boring 'Rambo' ripoff with Bruce Willis as the protagonist. He goes on a rescue mission to the Nigerian Jungle to rescue some civilians and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Worst part:  It's not fun like 'Rambo' where Stallone is just mowing down a ridiculous amount bad guys. Instead, it's a realistic war movie with a limited amount of action, no character development and no cheesy one liners. Not really what you'd expect from a Bruce Willis action movie.





  73. Total Recall (2012)

In 2012, Fox tried to reboot 'Total Recall' with Colin Farrell playing Schwarzenegger's lead role. I think everyone would be better off if we just forgot this ever happened.

Worst part:  What is the deal with the movie studios rebooting old Schwarzenneger movies? This follows in the footsteps of the recent 'Predator' and 'Terminator' movies that were also terrible. What's next, a 'Kindergarten Cop' reboot starring Vin Diesel?





72. Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

Remember Tom Green? He was funny for an 18 month period between 2000 and 2001. He had his own TV show, starred in the movie 'Road Trip' and then parlayed that into marrying Drew Barrymore. 'Freddy Got Fingered' was where it all fell apart. 

Here's the plot: Freddy (Tom Green) makes up a story that he was sexually abused by his dad. He calls the cops and tells them his dad fingered him up the butt. There are SOME funny parts, but overall it's terrible.

Worst part:  About halfway through the movie, Freddy humps the corpse of a dead moose. Then he looks at the camera as if to say, "Cmon, that's hilarious. Why aren't you laughing?" and then keeps humping the dead moose.





71. Empire Records (1995)

'Empire Records' has a huge cult following that I just don't understand. The plot (if you can call it a plot) is a bunch of employees working in a soon to be closed record store. Really nothing happens and it's more like a reality show than a movie.

Worst part: The characters in this movie would be considered "hipsters" in 2014; they don't want to work, they dress in vintage clothing and think everything sucks.





70. Analyze That (2002)

Robert DeNiro and Billy Crystal reunite for one of the least creative sequels I've ever seen. It's literally a carbon copy of the first movie except for one thing: the jokes aren't funny this time.

Worst part: 

Dr. Sobel: "I thought you might appreciate a nice home cooked meal after being in prison for so long."

Paul Vitti: "Yeah, that's what I've been jerking off to for the last 850 nights in prison, a home cooked meal."





69. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (1991)

Five kids are left at home with a ninety year old babysitter for the Summer while their mom travels abroad. Their babysitter dies early on, so the kids just dump her body off at the funeral home and drive away. They then have the whole Summer to party - as long as they can convince their mom that everything is okay. 

Worst part:  It's not all fun and games because the kids run out of money right away. So, half the movie is about Christina Applegate's character getting a corporate office job - which is not all that funny to a kid.





68. Godzilla (1999)

Matthew Broderick stars in what most people consider the worst "Godzilla" movie ever made. It suffers from a bad plot, bad acting and too much CGI. You would almost think that Michael Bay was in charge - it's that bad.

Worst part:  Puff Daddy's 'Come with Me' - his forgettable Led Zeppelin cover.





67. Honey I Blew Up the Kid (1992)

Rick Moranis returns as Wayne Szalinski - the fun loving dad that shrunk his kids in the first installment. This time, he "blows up" his toddler son to the size of a large building.

I know I'm being picky, but even the title is dumb. If you "blew up your kid", it sounds like you killed your kid with explosives. Anyways, the lazy title is on par with the rest of the movie. 

Worst part: 

[after the baby is 30 feet tall]

Mandy: "There is no way I'm changing those diapers".





66. What the Bleep Do We Know? (2004)

This "documentary" did very well and was actually ahead of it's time. It's similar to shows on H2 (History Channel 2) like 'Ancient Aliens'. Basically, it tries to disprove traditional scientific beliefs. It's interesting, but it goes off the deep end with a few theories.

Worst part:  There is a recurring theme throughout the movie about "creating your own reality". At one point, a scientist theorizes that Native Americans could not see the Pilgrims arriving in ships. Because the natives had never seen a ship before - their brains would not "recognize" them and they would be invisible. Under the same logic, he states that we might not see UFOs flying around because our brains wouldn't "recognize" them, making them invisible as well.  

Wait, what? That makes my brain hurt it's so dumb.





65. Anaconda (1997)

Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube and Jon Voight fight a fake looking snake for 90 minutes. This is the kind of movie that sits in the 99 cent bin at Wal Mart for six months before they give it to some employee as a "stocking stuffer" for Christmas.

Worst part:  There's a sequel, the cleverly titled 'Anacondas'.





64. Bright Lights Big City (1988)

I love the 'Back to the Future' movies so much, I've watched almost every other Michael J. Fox movie hoping to find a hidden gem. Unfortunately, the rest of his movies are pretty bad. I can confidently say that this is the worst thing he's ever done. 

Worst part:  Michael J. Fox plays a "bad boy" that's out drinking and doing coke on weeknights. It's not like other drug movies ('Harold and Kumar', 'Trainspotting', etc) where you say to yourself - "Wow, it looks like they're actually getting high for these scenes". Instead, it's like "Wow, Michael J. Fox is terrible at pretending he's on drugs. This is like a bad after school special."





63. Lost in Translation (2007)

This is helped us get to know the "new" Bill Murray. Gone forever is the Bill Murray I grew up with in 'Ghostbusters', 'Caddyshack' and 'Groundhog Day'. Now, he his old, cranky and sarcastic.

Worst part:  This was critically acclaimed and was nominated for Best Picture, Best Actor and Best Director - yet none of Bill Murray's other movies were ever nominated for anything. In other words, the Academy thinks 'Lost in Translation' is better than 'Ghostbusters'.  






62. A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

Like so many other movies on this list, this sequel takes the franchise as a whole and takes a giant dump on it's forehead. The first 'Die Hard' is often considered to be THE best action movie of all time. Die Hard 2, 3 and 4 are all at least "very good", but this was just horrible. 

Worst part:  At one point, John McClain is chasing after bad guys in Russia and hijacks a huge tank. When the bad guys have seemingly got away, McClain takes the tank off a freeway ramp and on top of some cars stuck in traffic. He then starts driving over dozens of cars like he's in a Monster Truck until he catches up with the bad guys and starts shooting them. This all takes place in rush hour traffic with hundreds of witnesses - but the police are nowhere to be found. 

61. Doom (2005)

Historically, there aren't any good movies based on video games. 'Street Fighter' was terrible and so was 'Super Mario Bros'. But this had The Rock fighting evil demons in the tenth level of hell. What doesn't sound awesome about that?

It's kind of like the first 'Alien' movie in that there's a lot of build up before you see the alien (or in this case demons). This works in 'Alien' because the acting and directing are done so well. But here, the acting is terrible and by the time you make it through the first half hour and nothing's happened - you start to lose interest. When you finally see the demons, and they look like crap - you'll be ready to just give up and watch something else. 

Worst part:  The Rock is in the movie for less than ten minutes and [spoiler alert] gets killed by some CGI demon. 

60. Iron Man 2 (2010)

In the second 'Iron Man' installment, Mickey Rourke stars as "Whiplash" - one of the lamest bad guys in movie history. This was during a 2-3 year period where Rourke had a comeback and landed a few big roles. After those movies came out and everyone remembered how annoying he is, he faded back into obscurity. 

Worst Part:  His superpower is: having ropes charged with electricity that come out of his hands. They act like he is completely unstoppable, but really, the local police department could just take this guy out. They didn't even need to call Iron Man. He is literally just some lunatic that has an electrically charged whip.





59. Superman III (1983)

I've know lots of people complained about the 'Superman' reboots from 2006 and 2013, but they look like cinematic masterpieces compared to 'Superman III'. 

First off, the producers decided to add Richard Pryor as a main character. I love Richard Pryor, but putting him in a Superman movie makes no sense. Second, the main bad guy is...(wait for it)...a "super" computer that wants to take over the world. And like all technology from the 80's - it looks ridiculously dated when you watch it today. 

Worst part:  Even though Richard Pryor was (arguably) the funniest man alive in 1983, he still makes the movie worse. Imagine how dumb it would be if they put Louis C.K. in 'The Dark Knight'.





58. Robocop 3 (1993)

I do have to admit, the poster is badass - but the third Robocop movie is awful and I'm not alone in thinking that. 'Robocop 3' has THE lowest score on Rotten Tomatoes of any movie on this list, coming in at 3%.  

Worst part:  About halfway through the movie, Robocop gets upgraded with a jetpack so he can clumsily fly around while fighting crime.





57. Santa with Muscles (1996)

I know it's a stretch to classify this as a "movie I thought would be good" - but hear me out. I love almost everything Hogan does ('Suburban Commando', 'Rocky III', turning heel and becoming "Hollywood Hulk Hogan"). I also love Christmas movies - especially during the Holidays.

So, I watched this last December and the plot is so dumb it hurts my brain: Hogan stars as a regular guy who gets a concussion one afternoon at the mall. When he wakes up, he's mistaken for the mall Santa that takes pictures with kids. Because of the concussion, Hogan is a little loopy and thinks he's the "real Santa".

Instead of doing normal Santa stuff like delivering presents, Hogan spends the next hour fighting random bad guys. At the end, he bumps his head and has another concussion. When he comes to, he realizes that he's not actually Santa Claus - and goes back to just being himself. 

Worst Part:  This was so bad, it was only in the theaters for two weeks.





56. Envy (2004)

To be fair, I only made it through half of this turd but you'll understand once I go over the plot: Jack Black's character invents a spray that makes poop disappear and his neighbor (Ben Stiller) gets jealous. Basically it's ninety minutes of poop jokes. 

Worst part:

Nick Vanderpar (Jack Black):  "Spray some on my butt cause I just shit my pants!"





55. Alien Resurrection (1997)

I have this ranked as the worst out of all the 'Alien' movies, all the 'Predator' movies, and all the 'Alien vs Predator' movies. 

Worst part:  [Spoiler alert] After Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) is killed at the end of 'Alien 3', you would assume that's the last movie in the series. But, the premise of 'Alien Resurrection' is that they clone her hundreds of years later when the aliens return. 

Could you imagine if they brought back Darth Vader for 'Star Wars VII'? People would be like, "Wait, he died at the end of Return of the Jedi!" And they would be like, "Oh yeah, we just cloned him so he's back now". That's how dumb this is. 





54. Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000)

'Gone in Sixty Seconds'? That's how fast I'll leave your house if you try to get me to watch this. 

Worst part:  This inspired other "car movies" where half the budget is spent on expensive cars to destroy, leaving enough money to sign only B and C list actors. I'm looking at you, 'Fast and the Furious' parts 1-6.





53. Dangerous Minds (1995)

Michelle Pfeiffer comes into a rough inner city school to help teach a bunch of troubled teens. This is basically what it's like for two hours:

"Yo teacher lady, this school shit is whack!"

"No, you know what's whack, trying to get a job without a high school diploma. That's whack!"

Worst part:  Having to hear "Gangstas Paradise" by Coolio at the end. And then listening to your white friends try to rap along.





52. Avatar

James Cameron directs a three hour snore fest about having an Avatar that you can control from somewhere else. Zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzz.

Worst part:  Seeing it in 3D will make you fall asleep even faster.






51. Mac and Me (1988)

This E.T. ripoff will haunt your dreams. I can't tell who is creepier looking, the kid or the alien. 

Worst part:  Everything - It tries to be funny, it's not funny; it tries to have action, there's no action; it tries to be cute, but it's not cute.





50. Face/Off (1996)

John Travolta and Nicolas Cage have a surgery where they switch faces. It's like 'Freaky Friday' for adults.

Worst part:  "Every time you look in the mirror, you'll see MY face." - Castor Troy (Nicholas Cage).





49. The Three Muskateers (1993)

You probably forgot this exists because there's literally nothing memorable about it. At the time, this was an all star cast featuring Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland and Chris O'Donnell as "The Three Muskateers". Nowadays, those three are lucky to star in "straight to DVD" movies.

Worst part:  "All for one, and one for ALL" (they say this every fifteen minutes, it gets old pretty quick)





48. Stay Tuned (1992)

John Ritter stars as a Roy, a husband who watches too much TV. One day, a door to door salesman sells him a satellite package with 666 channels. He starts watching and gets sucked into the TV - which is possessed by the devil. 

Worst part:  There's a part where they spoof Wayne's World and call it "Duane's World". It's so bad, you want to cringe.





47. The Perfect Storm (2000)

This is one of the most boring movies I've ever seen. It's nothing more than George Clooney and Matt Walberg riding a ship into a big storm. There's about an hour and a half of nothing happening before George and Matt board the ship and then (spoiler alert) they ride into the "perfect storm" and die.

Worst part:  Just like "Titanic', it takes three hours to tell the story about a ship that sinks and everyone dies. Only this has even less of a plot and is even more boring.





46. The Purge (2013)

'The Purge' is an interesting idea for a movie, but it was poorly executed. Here's the plot: The U.S. decides to make a law where one day a year - there are no laws. The idea is that if people have one night without rules, they will behave the other 364 days of the year. So, on the night of "the purge" - everything is legal; murder, rape, theft - whatever you want to do.

Worst part:  As expected, it gets really gruesome on Purge night and lots of people die. But if it's so bad on the night of "the purge", why don't people just go abroad for a few days? And seriously, this would never ever be voted in as a law. And even if it did get voted in, after they tried it once and a ton of people got killed - they would repeal it. And of course, they are making 'The Purge 2'.





45. Snake Eyes (2001)

Completey forgettable whodunit in Las Vegas starring Nicholas Cage.

Worst part:  It's starring Nicholas Cage.





44. Swordfish (2001)

John Travolta tries to replicate the success of 'The Matrix' with a sci/fi meets computer hacker movie that goes nowhere.

Worst part:  The cheesy tagline on the movie poster:  "Log On. Hack In. Go Anywhere. Get Everything." (ugh)





43. Planet of the Apes (2001)

If you need evidence that this was bad, consider this: The first 'Planet of the Apes' with Charlton Heston spawned four sequels and the reboot from 2011 with James Franco is set to become at least a trilogy. Mark Wahlberg's version was so bad, they didn't even think about doing a sequel.  

Worst part:  "Get your hands off me you damn dirty human" - Attar (one of the apes referencing a Charleton Heston quote from the original).





42. Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)

It's unbelievable how lazy the script for this movie is. It's like they wrote it on the backside of a napkin at happy hour. 

Worst part:  Someone actually thought this would be a good idea. Here's the conversation between two Fox executives sometime in 1996:

Fox Exec #1:  "Let's make Speed 2."

Fox Exec #2:  "Hmmm. What should the plot be?"

Fox Exec #1:  "Let's just do the same thing again; some terrorist straps a bomb to a bus and the bus has to go at least 60 miles per hour or the bomb goes off."

Fox Exec #2:  "I don't know - that's too similar to the first one. How about if the whole thing happens on a boat instead?"

Fox Exec #1:  "Brilliant."

Worst part:  The script was so dumb, they couldn't even get Keanu to return. So they got Jason Patric (who?) instead.





41. Mr. Nanny (1992)

I know what you're thinking, "Another Hulk Hogan Movie?!?" How could you expect 'Mr. Nanny' to be a good movie? Well, I was a kid at the time, and yeah, I did have high hopes for 'Mr. Nanny', but you're right - it was awful.

Worst part:  They are rebooting 'Mr. Nanny' in 2015 with John Cena playing the lead role... Okay just kidding on that one.





40. Knowing (2009)

'Knowing' starts off with an interesting premise: A fifty year old time capsule is dug up in the year 2009. Inside the time capsule are students' drawings from the year 1959. One of the drawings is just a long list of numbers. Nicolas Cage deciphers a code from the numbers and determines they predict every disaster on Earth over the past 50 years.

Worst part:  Spoiler alert...After being a pretty good movie for the first ninety minutes, the weird ending ruins the whole thing. At the end, some aliens come from outer space and take Nicolas Cage aboard their spaceship and then fly away. 

Hey aliens, thanks for taking Nic Cage off of our hands. Can you also take Justin Bieber with you before you leave?





39. Trapped in Paradise (1994)

Nicolas Cage ruins yet another movie I thought would be good. I knew he wouldn't be funny, but usually Dana Carvey and Jon Lovitz crack me up. Not here. They play three crooks that are snowed into a small town and can't leave. They are dumb kleptomaniacs, kind of like Harry and Marv from 'Home Alone' - except it's not funny.

Worst part:  There are literally zero funny jokes.





38. Catwoman (2004)

Halle Berry stars 'Catwoman' which is often considered the worst comic book movie of all time. There isn't much of a plot; Halle Berry becomes Catwoman and fights some random bad guys. 

Worst part:  Before transforming into Catwoman, Halle Berry has a neon sign in her apartment that says, "HELLO THERE". After she turns into Catwoman, she breaks the "O" and the "T" on the neon sign, leaving "HELL HERE". Then she looks at you like, "See what I did there - that was BAD ASS" and then starts licking herself like a cat. 





37. Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (1985)

Seriously, I don't get it. Why is Mad Max held in such high regard? It's just a bunch of dudes driving driving around the desert in dune buggies. Give me 'Lethal Weapon 1-4' instead.

Worst part:  'Mad Max' is getting rebooted in 2015.





36. The Smurfs (2007)

I've come to realize that having a movie with CGI characters (the Smurfs) interacting with live actors NEVER EVER works. Think about it; 'Garfield: The Movie', 'Transformers', ;Alvin and the Chipmunks' - every time there's a movie like this - it's terrible. Even the lovable Neil Patrick Harris can't make this worth watching.  

The worst part:  They are making a third 'Smurfs' movie. Why?!? Seriously, who would have even seen part two after suffering the through the first one?




 
35. Wild Wild West (1999)

 

During the 90's, everything that Will Smith touched turned to gold. After leaving the 'Fresh Prince of Bel Air', he had huge lead roles in 'Independence Day' and 'Men in Black'. But then came 'Wild Wild West', a nonsensical western with modern weapons and big explosions. They promoted the hell out this movie, but it turned out to be the biggest flop of Will Smith's career (at least up to that point). 

Worst part:  Will Smith turned down the role of "Neo" in 'The Matrix' to do 'Wild Wild West' instead.





34. Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End (2006)

Johnny Depp phones it in for yet another Pirates of the Caribbean movie. He seems bored that he's doing this shtick again and I was so bored I fell asleep in the theater. 

Worst part:  There is ANOTHER Pirates of the Caribbean movie set to come out in 2015.





33. Troy (2004)

Brad Pitt tries to do a 'Gladiator' like movie about Troy. Well, it's like 'Gladiator' in that there's a lot of fighting and it's three hours long, but it was also boring and forgettable.

Worst part:  It takes itself SOOO seriously. Here's the tagline from the movie poster: "Throughout history, men have waged war. Some for power, some for glory, some for honor - and some for love." (ugh barf).





32. Nothing But Trouble (1991)

You would think the trio or Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd and John Candy would be comedic gold, but this was painfully dumb. Chevy Chase and his wife, Demi Moore, get lost on a drive and happen upon a mansion in the middle of nowhere. They get trapped in a fun house like maze run by Dan Aykroyd and John Candy. It's really, really stupid. 

Worst part:  Among the many stupid distractions Chevy Chase and Demi Moore encounter is a pair of 600 pound giant babies that don't do anything other than fart and burp.





31. Wall Street 2 (2010)

Shia LeBeuf seems to be set on ruining "things I loved as a kid in the 80's". He's had starring roles in 'Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull', 'Transformers: Age of Extinction', and now 'Wall Street 2'. If he somehow makes his way into 'Ghostbusters 3' - I think I'll lose my shit.

Worst part:  Shia LeBeuf can't even come close to equaling Charlie Sheen's performance (from the original 'Wall Street'). And it's not like he's trying to fill in for Al Pacino or something - it's Charlie Sheen...





30. Terminal Velocity (1994)

'Terminal Velocity' is kind of like Charlie Sheen and a huge pile of cocaine; it's about seeing how close you can get to killing yourself without dying. Except it's not about doing cocaine, it's about launching yourself towards a wall at supersonic speeds and seeing if you can stop before you crash and die. Or jumping out of a plane and waiting until the very last second to pull your chute. Sound dumb? It is.

Worst part:

Chris:  "I'd be stupid to trust my life to a walking penis."

Ditch (Charlie Sheen):  "I'm much more than a walking penis, I'm a FLYING penis."





29. Hot Rod (2007)

Andy Sandberg tries to reboot 'Napoleon Dynamite' just three years after the original. I thought that 'Napoleon Dynamite' was pretty dumb, but this is way worse. I've seen a lot of bad movies from SNL actors, but this is the biggest turd of them all. It's worse than 'Night at the Roxbury', worse than 'It's Pat', it's even worse than 'Deuce Bigalow - Male Gigalo'. Those movies at least had one or two funny scenes.

Worst part:  My friend Ben Johnson will defend this as a "good movie".






28. Drop Dead Fred (1991)

This is a prime example of a movie that hasn't aged well. There isn't much for a plot, other than a young Phoebe Cates has an imaginary friend that is really annoying.

Worst part:

[Fred starts singing a song about having dog poop on his shoes]

"Dog poo, dog poo, yucky, yucky dog poo. Dog poo on the chair...all on the sides, all up there, yucky, yucky smelly dog poo!"





27. The Philadelphia Experiment (1984)

As a huge 'Back to the Future' fan, I've seen probably every single time travel movie that's been released in my lifetime. In my opinion, 'The Philadelphia Experiment' is the worst time travel movie of the past thirty years.

Worst part:  They have a time machine, yet they choose to visit one of the most boring places you could imagine; an all male navy ship in the 1950's.





26. Fool's Gold (2008)

'Fools Gold' is a basic treasure hunt movie and the plot is about as complex as an episode of 'Scooby Doo'. Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson find this gold on an island, but it's not the real gold, some bad guy has the real gold and they have to try and swap it out. Ugh. But hey ladies, it does have Matthew McConaughey taking his shirt off every other scene. 

Worst part:

Moe Fitch:  "Come on, I'm getting old. Let's find some gold!"





25. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)

This was hailed by critics, but it was just way too boring and predictable. Brad Pitt stars as "Benjamin Button", an old man who ages in reverse. He falls in love, and (spoiler alert) eventually keeps getting younger until he's a baby at the end. You know how it's going to end, but it takes three long hours to get there.

Worst part:  The sappy dialogue...

Benjamin Button:  "That's the funny thing about coming home. It looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. And then you realize what has changed...is you."





24. The Mask (1994)

Jim Carey puts on some green facepaint and runs around like a spaz for ninety minutes. Everyone loved this when we were kids, but I dare you to watch this today and tell me this is a good movie. 

Worst part:  They followed this up with 'Son of the Mask' ten years later. It didn't have Jim Carey, it went straight to DVD - and no one cared.





23. Love Actually (2003)

They should have called it, 'Sucks, Actually'.

Worst part:  Chicks love it.





22. Van Helsing (2004)

Hugh Jackman stars as "Van Helsing", a monster slayer that hadn't previously been in comic books or anything - the movie studios just made him up. He goes on a random mission where he fights Dracula, Frankenstein, Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde and The Wolfman all in the same movie. It makes no sense and seems like it was put together after smoking one too many joints.

Worst part:  The corny jokes.

Anna:  "We Transylvanians like to look on the brighter side of death."

Van Helsing:  "There's a brighter side of death?"

Anna:  "Of course. It's just harder to see." 






21. Stardust (2007)

Robert DeNiro, Claire Danes and Michelle Pfeifer embarrass themselves in this 2007 wanna be Peter Pan movie. Listen to how lame this sounds: (taken from the back of the DVD) "A young man makes a promise to his beloved that he'll retrieve a fallen star by venturing into a magical realm".

Worst part:  There's a scene where Robert DeNiro puts on a dress and starts prancing around like a fairy. I wish I was kidding.





20.  Highlander 2: The Quickening (1991)

If you've never seen the original 'Highlander', it's about an immortal swordsman that timetravels to the present day from medieval Scotland. It's not great or anything, but it's okay for an old sci fi movie. The sequel takes place in 2025.

Worst part:  Spoiler alert - the Highlanders are not really "immortals", they are aliens. You find out at the end that they are aliens from the planet Zeist. This makes about as much sense if you found out at the end of 'Home Alone' that the whole thing took place on Mars.





19. The Master of Disguise (2002)

After a decent run in the two 'Wayne's World' movies, Dana Carvey finally got the chance to play the lead role in big movie. And just like Jet Li and Elizabeth Berkley, this was so bad he will never get another chance.  

Dana plays the role of Pistachio Disguisey (what a clever name), a waiter that goes undercover in really bad disguises including "Cherry Pie Man" and "The Turtle Guy". Not surprisingly, it was produced by Adam Sandler. 

Worst part:  The terrible, terrible jokes...

"What, am I not turtley enough for you?" - The Turtle Guy's response when someone questions the effectiveness of his turtle disguise.


 


18.  The Cable Guy (1996)

In one of his most annoying roles, Jim Carey plays a cable guy that doesn't have any friends. A lot of people will defend this as a "funny movie", but to me it's like nails on a chalkboard.

Worst part:   

[While eating at Medieval Times - a restaurant with a Camelot style atmosphere]

Steven:  "Can I get a knife?"

Matilda:  "There were no utensils in medieval times, hence there are no utensils in Medieval Times. Would you like a refill on your Pepsi?"

Steven:  "There were no utensils, but there was Pepsi?"

Matilda:  "Dude, I've got a lot of tables."





17.  Matrix Reloaded (2003)
 

The first 'Matrix' was awesome, but it left a lot of unanswered questions which made everyone want to see the sequel. The sequel, 'Matrix Reloaded' answered none of those questions and was just a big waste of time. 

Worst part:  The nonsensical philosophy.

"Choice is an illusion created between those who have power and those who don't." - Morpheus. 




16.  Howard the Duck (1986)

If you ever hear anyone describe George Lucas as a "genius", politely remind them of 'Howard the Duck'. Lucas directed this trainwreck where a duck comes from outer space and tries to live a normal life on Earth. 

Worst part:  All the bad duck puns.

"No more mister nice duck!" - Howard getting angry.





15.  Godfather III (1990)

This is arguably the most disappointing sequel in the history of cinema. The first two Godfather movies are considered to be among the best movies of all time. This wasn't a terrible movie, but it totally sucks compared to the first two. It's way more boring, has way less action, and instead of the great Marlon Brando (part I) or Robert DeNiro (part II), Al Pacino's co-star in part III is Andy Garcia. Oh, and Andy's character (Vincent) tries to sleep with his cousin.

Worst part:  The incest storyline between Vincent and Mary. 





14.  Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995)

I know lots of people love 'Ace Ventura', but the sequel is just the same jokes as the first one, except this time Ace is in Africa.  

Worst Part:  Ace Ventura climbs out of an elephant's butthole. Then he looks at you like you should be peeing your pants because it's so hilarious.

13.  Rocky V (1990)

I love the first four 'Rocky' movies, but this was a joke. Even 'Rocky Balboa' (Rocky VI) was better than this. You really shouldn't even be able to call it a 'Rocky' movie because he's not even the main character. Instead, some loser named "Tommy Gunn" (what a clever name) is the main guy and Rocky is his trainer. 

Worst part:  The main event is a street fight between Rocky and Tommy Gunn in a back alley.


 


12.  Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

Like I said earlier, there are no "good" movies where the main characters are CGI and this is no exception. It also doesn't help when the main actor is Shia LeBeuf. I hate all the 'Transformers' movies, but I think 'Dark of the Moon' is the worst because of the lazy title. 

Worst part:  Did they not realize that Pink Floyd had trademarked 'Dark SIDE of the Moon' before it was too late?

        



11.  Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999)

To be fair, this isn't an awful movie; it has some cool parts including the final battle against Darth Maul at the end. But compared to the other Star Wars movies - it fucking sucks. 

Worst part:  

Jar Jar Binks, hands down the most annoying character in the entire Star Wars saga.





10.  Batman and Robin (1997)

What a piece of shit. Every other Batman movie (well except for Batman Forever) is at least "really good". George Clooney was terrible as the dark knight and the addition of Robin was pointless. On top of that, the villains were cheesier than they were in the 1960's TV show. This essentially killed the Batman series until Christopher Nolan rebooted it eight years later.

Worst part:  They put nipples on the Batsuit.





9.  Super Mario Bros (1993)

Did they even play the game before making this piece of shit? Instead of Mario and Luigi stomping on goombas, the main bad guys are dinosaurs. And the leader of the dinosaurs is Bowser; but he looks nothing like the Bowser from the game, it's just Dennis Hopper with a mohawk. They don't even have Mario wearing red and Luigi wearing green. Pretty much nothing in this movie resembles the video games.

Worst part:

Luigi:  "Wow. There used to be dinosaurs here in Brooklyn?"

Mario:  "Relax, Luigi. There used to be Dodgers here, too."





8.  Weekend at Bernie's 2 (1993)

Forget movies with time travel or aliens - 'Weekend at Bernie's 2' has the most ridiculous plot in the history of cinema. It's forgivable in the first movie, but how the hell are they convincing people that a week old corpse is still alive for another movie? 

Worst part:  

The tagline says it all:  "Bernie's back. And he's still dead."





7.  3 Ninjas (1992)

You know how you watch a Jean Claude Van Dame movie where he takes out like a hundred bad guys all by himself and you say to yourself, "this is ridiculous". Well, imagine that ridiculousness times 100 when you watch three kids take out henchmen with guns.

Worst part:  This went on to have three sequels, '3 Ninjas: Kick Back', '3 Ninjas: Knuckle Up', and '3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain'. 





 
6.  Grown Ups (2010)

I used to really like Adam Sandler. But over the past ten years, just about everything he's done has been a piece of shit. He's gotten so bad, I vowed to stop spending money on his movies a long time ago. This was on HBO last year, so I decided to check it out. It was basically like he called his friends Chris Rock, Rob Schneider and Kevin James - and they just hung out for a weekend and had someone film everything. No script, no plot - just hanging out. It's not funny at all, yet they somehow got the money for a sequel, 'Grown Ups 2'.

Worst part:  

[In an ice cream shop]

Rob Schneider:  "We used to come here all the time when we were wasted."

Little girl:  "What's wasted?"

Adam Sandler:  "It's uh, when you eat a lot of ice cream."

Little girl:  "Well, I wanna get chocolate wasted!"

Other kids:  "Yeah me too!  I wanna get chocolate wasted too!"






5.  Problem Child (1990)

If you never heard of 'Problem Child', it's an early 90's "comedy" about a terrible seven year old boy named "Junior". His dad (John Ritter) tries his best to keep Junior in line, but he keeps doing awful things. Here is what it's like for two hours: 

[They go to a grocery store]

Junior:  "Haha, dad - watch this. I'm going to tip over this big display thing!"

[Tips over display]

Dad:  "Nooooo Junior!" 

[Then five minutes later back at home]

Junior:  "Hey dad, watch this - I'm going to light the cat on fire. Hahaha!"

[Lights the cat on fire]

Dad:  "Noooo Junior!!!"

[Dad saves the cat, then five minutes later...]

Junior:  Hey dad, you thought that was bad? Well watch this! I'm going to burn down the house! Hahaha!"

Dad:  "Nooooo Junior!!!"

How the fuck is this funny? Even as a kid, I was sitting there thinking, "Man, this kid is an asshole". 

Worst part:  There's a sequel, 'Problem Child 2', and it's even more annoying than the original. After it was done filming and there were rumors of a third film, John Ritter said, "The only way I'll do another 'Problem Child' movie is if I die, and they drag my corpse out there to perform". He stayed true to his word, but they still made 'Problem Child 3' without him - which went straight to VHS. 




4.  Waterworld (1995)

I saw this in the theaters, and yes, it is really as bad as everyone says it is. Kevin Costner captains a ship in a world plagued by global warming. The polar ice caps have melted and the entire planet is now underwater. So, it's just Kevin Costner sailing around for three hours looking for dry land. It doesn't help that Costner's character has less personality than a pair of socks.

Worst part:  Kevin Costner pees into a filtration system and then drinks it.


 


3.  Johnny Mnemnoic (1995)

In 1995, Keanu Reeves starred in 'Johnny Mnemonic' - which was eerily similar to 'The Matrix' in many ways. It's about a data courier that must deliver files in his brain before being killed. Just like 'The Matrix' he starts to question reality and goes on to fight an oppressive group (here called the "Yakuza"). And instead of getting advice from "The Oracle", Keanu seeks the advice of a dolphin.

Worst part:  Keanu puts in a very wooden performance and is out-acted by his co-stars (I'm not making this up) Dolph Lundgren and Ice-T.





2. The Love Guru  (2008)

After cashing huge paychecks for three 'Austin Powers' movies and four 'Shrek' movies, Mike Myers decided to branch off with a new character, the "Love Guru". In doing so, he took his career and flushed it so far down the toilet - he will never play the lead role in a big movie ever again. 

I can't blame him for trying something new, but people around him HAD to have told him this wasn't funny. That's why there's no other notable actors - anyone who read the script wouldn't have been caught dead in this movie.  

Anyways, his character, "The Love Guru" is basically Austin Powers repackaged as an Eastern healer/self help doctor. There's not a single funny joke and the plot is non existent. He also does several annoying cover songs (why?) including Steve Miller Band's 'I'm a Joker'.

Worst part:  The Love Guru makes fart noises into a coffee cup for ninety seconds. Then, like with all of his bad jokes, he looks at you like, "Come on that's funny, right? Why aren't you laughing?".  

1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

The year was 1993. I was ten years old and the Ninja Turtles were the coolest thing on Earth. For my birthday, my parents bought tickets for me and ten friends to see 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III'. I couldn't have been more excited.

In the first two movies, the Turtles defeated Shredder but they didn't necessarily "kill" him. He could have returned, but I understand wanting to do something different. If Shredder wasn't going to be the main villain, they should have went with Krang. How awesome would it be if the Turtles battled Krang in the Technodrome to finish off the trilogy? If not Krang, they at least should have had another established villain like Baxter Stockman, Slash or The Rat King.

Instead, the main villain is Lord Norinaga - a stereotypical ninja "bad guy" who we've never seen before in the cartoons. Anyways, the Turtles randomly time travel to Japan in the year 1603. They're just hanging out one afternoon when Michelangelo picks up this old scepter - which sends them all to ancient Japan. The Turtles (along with April) hang out for a bit, make some awful jokes, battle Lord Norinaga and then head back home. That's it, that's the entire plot.

Another problem is that the Turtles look like shit. I never understood as a kid how they could look worse in part III than they did in the original. Well, it's because they only had a budget of $20 million. So, the costumes look terrible and their mouths rarely match up with the dialogue. On top of that, none of the jokes are funny and there's hardly any action.

'Turtles III' didn't just ruin my birthday, it killed the Turtles franchise as we knew it. If this was even halfway decent, we would have TMNT 4 and 5. But because this was so shitty, we didn't see the Turtles again for fourteen years, when they rebooted the series in CGI.

Worst part:

"Help! I'm a Turtle and I can't get up!" - Donatello making a lame joke referencing those old "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercials.