The Top 15 Most Ridiculous People of 2013

2013 has been one hell of a crazy year. We've seen a little bit of everything; racist celebrities, idiot athletes, homophobic rednecks and crack smoking politicians. After lots of consideration, I've narrowed it down to the 15 most ridiculous things anyone said or did in 2013. But instead of rehashing the same stories you've heard all year, I'll focus on some of the less publicized stories you may have missed.

I also use the term "people" loosely, as one "person" on this list is technically a video game character and another is technically a hairy ball sack.

So, for your amusement, I give you the Top 15 Most Ridiculous People of 2013: 

15. Siobahn Riley

[no, this is not photoshopped]

Reporter Siobahn Riley, working for ABC news affiliate WJRT-TV was using a monitor to show local viewers how road construction might affect their daily commute. But without realizing it - she drew a giant cock and balls on the screen.

She finished her segment and her coworkers were staring in disbelief. Somehow, she did not realize what she had drawn. Her coworkers had to point it out a few minutes later, and within hours - the whole thing went viral. As of today, her video has over four million views on YouTube. 

When you Google her name, there are over 800,000 results and they all involve this incident. So, for the rest of her life - she'll be remembered as "that reporter who drew a penis on live TV".

14. Saliendra Nath Roy

Saliandra Hath Roy, a daredevil famous for setting the world record for hair zip lining, tried to break his own personal record by hair zip lining a 600 foot wire across the Teetsa River in India.

Before I go any further, hair zip lining is exactly what it sounds like; you tie your hair to a zip line and then use the zip line with only your hair attached.

Friends and family encouraged him not to attempt the stunt, but he insisted. The stunt was also condemned by authorities and emergency services warned him they would not be present. 

With a crowd of hundreds watching, Saliandra attempted the stunt - but got stuck when his hair became tangled in the zipline. He panicked and had a heart attack while hanging from his hair. By the time emergency services arrived, he was pronounced dead.

13. Kanye West

I dare you to watch Kanye's new music video, ‘Bound 2’ and tell me it’s not one of the worst music videos you've ever seen.

First off, the blue screen background looks like wallpaper from Windows '98. Second, Kim’s hair blows the wrong way (they're riding a motorcycle and her hair blows forward). She also looks bored as hell. The lyrics are dumb (“I’m a fuck you on the sink, then get you something to drink”). And to top it all off, Kanye (aka Yeezus) repeatedly does the “Jesus Christ” pose and closes the song with the line “Jesus wept”.  

He also debuted this video on ‘Ellen’. I know Kanye likes to compare himself to Jesus and thinks he's the best rapper EVER, but the real best rappers ever (2pac and Notorious B.I.G.) would NEVER, EVER debut their video on Ellen Degeneres' talk show. 

I like most of Kanye's stuff, but this song blows, his ego is out of control and the whole “Yeezus” thing is annoying.

12. Tanooki Mario

Kids today are pussies. They're not allowed to play dodgeball, they don't keep score in Little League and they get "participation trophies" for coming in last place. But White Tanooki Mario takes this shit to a whole new level.

In the launch game for the Nintendo Wii U, 'Super Mario World 3D', Mario gets a variety of suits to power up with different abilities (similar to Super Mario 3). The gameplay itself is pretty good, but the White Tanooki suit absolutely ruins the game.

After you die five times on the same level, you are awarded a White Tanooki suit. It's optional, but if you use it - you'll be given invincibility for the level. So, if you die five times - beating the level is pretty much a given.

I'm sorry, but the original Super Mario games were fucking hard. If you died too many times on the same level - well, too fucking bad, game over. You also had to beat them in one sitting (you couldn't save). But when you finally defeated Bowser and saved the Princess, you'd have a sense of accomplishment and could brag to all your friends.

Unfortunately, with Super Mario World 3D - none of that applies because ANYONE COULD BEAT THIS GAME! So, if your friend is bragging that they beat 'Super Mario World 3D', call them a pussy, and tell them a four year old could beat that shit.

11.  Christian Ponder

Christian Ponder had a rough year in 2013, winning just one game as the Vikings' quarterback. However, his mediocre play was not what earned him the number eleven spot. He's here for an excuse he made after losing to the Browns, which in my opinion, was the second dumbest thing anyone said all year.

After botching a throw at the end of the game he literally said, "That was a throw that I can make 99 times out of 100, unfortunately that was the one miss".

So...when we need him to make a big play, it JUST HAPPENS to be the ONE time out of a hundred the he messes up? How convenient.

Could you imagine using that excuse in real life?

10.  Terrance Jones

Houston Rockets forward Terrance Jones was arrested in July for stomping on a homeless man.

The incident happened after Jones was leaving a bar in downtown Portland. He walked by two homeless men, yelled at them to "Wake up", and started stomping on one of their legs. He was arrested shortly afterward.

Athletes are known for doing stupid things when they're drunk - cheating on their wives, doing drugs, driving drunk - the usual stuff. But Terrance Jones isn't into any of that. Instead, his guilty pleasure after a night of drinking is stomping on homeless people.

What an asshole.

9. Anthony Weiner 

Anthony Weiner was forced to resign from Congress back in 2011 for a scandal involving texting pictures of his genitals. His convinced his wife to stay with him, but his political career seemed pretty much over.

He layed low for two years, and then returned as a candidate for mayor of New York City. He seemed to have moved on and America was ready to forget about the whole sexting incident. But just three months into his return to politics, ANOTHER sexting scandal broke out.

This time, Weiner was caught sexting with THREE different women. To make it even more ridiculous, he was using the alias "Carlos Danger".

America and his wife had pretty much forgiven him. He very well could have become Mayor of New York and who knows - maybe even run for President if that went well.

All he had to do was stay out of trouble and he would have at least been a top candidate up until election day. But he just couldn't resist the temptation of sending dick-picks to random women. After the scandal broke, his supporters virtually disappeared. He went on to earn a measly 5% of the primary vote.

8. Bud Selig

While standing in front of a huge logo that said “2013 MLB Draft”, Bud Selig forgot what year it was – FOUR times.

His duty as commissioner is to simply announce the picks, just like the commissioner in any other sport. For example, when it comes time for the seventh pick, all he has to say is “with the seventh pick in the first round of the 2013 MLB Draft, the Atlanta Braves select _______________”.

Instead, he kept referring to it as the “Year 2000 MLB draft”. This happened four times in the first round. Let me say that again, FOUR separate times, Bud Selig walked up to the podium and said it was the year 2000.  

If George W. Bush or Barack Obama kept forgetting what year it was – people would be calling for their impeachment. Now, I’m not trying to compare Bud Selig to the President, but he is the most powerful man in baseball – and he’s completely out of touch. 

Bud is set to (finally) retire in 2015. Once he's done, why not let someone cool be commissioner, like Cal Ripken, Jr? It really doesn't help baseball seem “cool” to kids when the commissioner is a senile old geezer.

7. Seth Cunningham

In May, 21 year old Akron cornerback Seth Cunningham was arrested for robbing a $447 bong from a tobacco store with a 9mm pistol.  

You might be saying to yourself, “Why is this so ridiculous? College football players break the law all the time.”

Well, here’s why it’s ridiculous:

You wouldn't rob a bong if you didn't already have some weed to smoke out of it. Think about it; there’s no way he would've robbed this super expensive bong, got home all excited and then realized, “Fuck. I forgot I don’t have any weed”. 

This was probably his thought process: "I wanna get high. I have some weed, but I ain't got anything to smoke it out of. But I don't have any fucking money. I know! I'll just rob the tobacco store. And shit, as long as I'm gonna rob 'em, I might as well rob the most expensive bong they have! What could possibly go wrong?"

Oh and by doing this, he basically flushed his chances of playing in the NFL right down the drain.

[Closed circuit to Seth: Hey bro, we’re trying to get weed legalized here – it doesn't help when you act like a total crack head.]

6.  Senor Testiculo 

Senor Testiculo translates to "Mr. Balls" in English and is exactly what it sounds like: a mascot that is literally a hairy ball sack. It was created by a non-profit cancer research group in Brazil to help create awareness over men's health issues - mainly testicular cancer.

During 2013, Senor Testiculo made public appearances throughout Brazil at doctor's offices, parades and even sporting events.

Is it just me, or is it a little weird to have giant ball sack as a mascot? Does it really help promote cancer awareness? Or does it just scare the shit out of little kids?

5.  Bo Dietl

I always see these new Arby’s commercials with Bo Dietl late at night. Then I'll go to bed and have trouble sleeping. So, I'll lay there and think to myself: “Who the fuck is that Bo Dietl guy?” and “Why does he think Arby’s is so great?”. And "Why does Arby's just assume that I recognize him from somewhere, like I'm supposed to say to myself, 'Oh wow, look it's Bo Dietl!'."

So, I started this unscientific survey where whenever I see these commercials - at the bar, at work, at a friends house - I'll ask whoever I'm with, "Hey, do you you know where this Bo Dietl guy is from? Like is he from some movie or something?"

And 100% of the time, people have said, "Yeah, I've never heard of this guy either".

SO WHY DOES ARBY'S ACT LIKE HE'S THE FUCKING KING OF ROAST BEEF SANDWICHES?

   

I just don't get it. And for the most part, he doesn't have all that much to say about Arby's. Instead, his message is that Subway sucks. Well yeah, I agree – but Arby’s isn't any fucking better.

4. Jerome Corsi

"I got a blowjob once. It was awful"

Jerome Corsi is a controversial right wing author. Some of his popular titles include 'Unfit for Command' (ripping John Kerry) and 'Where's the Birth Certificate?' (ripping Obama). But what earned him the number four spot on this list has nothing to do with politics.

Jerome earned his spot by uttering (in my opinion) the most ridiculous quote of the year. Now, make sure you set down your drink so you don’t spill when you read this. And yes, this dude is serious. Okay here it is, the most ridiculous quote of the year:

“Sex isn't supposed to be fun. If you want to have fun, go read a book.”

Bwahhhahahhhahahahahahaha.

Jerome actually said this about gay sex and pre-marital sex in general. According to him, sex should only be used for “procreation purposes”.

3.) Phteven's Mom / McDonalds

This went viral after being written on a McDonald’s receipt. Now, you’re probably saying to yourself, “I don't get it. How the hell do you pronounce Phteven?"

So, here's what happened. A lady was with her son, Stephen, at a McDonald's in Texas. When the cashier asked what name to put on the order, the mom replied, "Stephen - with a ph".

The cashier was completely baffled and wrote "Phteven" on the receipt. The mom then posted the receipt on Reddit.com, and several memes shortly followed:

*I don't know who is more ridiculous, the employee that spelled "Phteven" or the mom that insisted on her son's name being spelled correctly on a McDonald's receipt.

2. Henry Nguyen

Henry Nguyen was arrested in April for growing several large marijuana plants at his home in Ocean Springs, Mississippi. While that itself isn't all that ridiculous, what lead to him getting busted certainly is...

After growing weed for several months, Henry was worried about the neighbors noticing the smell. So, he did what any of us would do: he stopped using toilets and started pooping in buckets.

He thought pooping in buckets would cover up the weed smell. Well, it worked - but his house smelled like shit instead.

After about a month of using the bucket system, his neighbors complained about an “awful smell”. Eventually, the cops got a warrant and entered the house. They were expecting the worst, possibly a dead body - but instead found dozens of poop buckets along with several pounds of marijuana.

Oh and *surprise* they found a bunch of meth, too.

1. Henry Gibbohm

And the Idiot of the Year Award goes to...

Henry Gibbohm, age 30, lost $2,600 - his entire life savings - while trying to win an XBox Kinnect (retail value $100) at a carnival in New Hampshire.

Henry was playing a game called "Tubs of Fun" in which balls are tossed into tubs. He quickly lost $300. Instead of calling it a day; he went home and gathered his life savings - $2,300 (cash) and came back for more Tubs of Fun.

He quickly lost another few hundred dollars and then went for "double or nothing". He lost. And then went for double or nothing again. And then he lost again. And before he knew it, he had lost his entire life savings, $2,600, playing Tubs of Fun.

But it wasn't all for nothing, after he complained, the game operator gave him a different prize - a giant rastafarian banana.

What makes Henry's story so great, is that I can't even decide what's the most ridiculous part. Is it that...

A.) His life savings was only $2,600.
B.) He kept his life savings in cash.
C.) He went back home to get more money,
and grabbed ALL the money he had to his name.
D.) The prize he was trying to win was only worth $100.
E.) He has a kid.